Results to the club’s 5 mile handicap race are available here.
Butcher Kelly – Club Handicap Winner 2023
The Annual Club 5-mile Handicap is the stuff of legends. In the days of yore, people were known to have eaten a hefty turkey and ham lunch, washed down with half a dozen pints of stout and romp to victory. There is also the tendency to arrive and proffer all sorts of excuses about how badly you are running, how out of shape you are and the struggle it will be to even complete 5 miles, let alone run them at any kind of tempo.
With Brown setting the handicaps and the Prophet and the Rear Gunner overseeing proceedings, what could possibly go wrong. Famous last words!
Conditions were more favourable than the forecasters had predicted, and it turned out to be an ideal evening notwithstanding the time of year. As the athletes assembled in Donard Park and began to limber up, numbers were pinned on vests and high vis coats, and everyone was reminded that these would be scanned at the end. To Miss World’s chagrin there was not a single mention of a lazer – this might explain the agitated state that prevented her from getting on the faster stilettoes. Brown gave the final instructions about the course before the Prophet gave more final instructions for the sake of giving more out instructions, as Brown looked on shaking his head at being usurped by a fellow Fontenoy!
On the jog down to the start, there was the usual moaning and complaining about niggles, aches, pains and injuries that would prove detrimental to a good run. More worryingly, a few large boats were seen heading towards the promenade, mistaking Paul Rodgers’ somewhat elaborate lighting rig for St. John’s Point!
A few appeared from the bushes on Downs Road, apparently saving their energy for the run by forgoing the warmup. Within seconds of arrival, the first tranche were sent on their way. One or two managed to dupe the handicapper. Most notable in this was the svelte Marin McMullan who somehow managed to be awarded the same time as heavyweights McCann and Rodgers. By the time the trio reached the Percy French (less than 200 metres in), McMullan was out of sight and never to be seen again. He had built up a 2-and-a-half-minute lead over his starting buddies by the 3-mile marker and was in an unassailable lead until he was hit by the curse of Marguerite where he managed to get lost – some feat for a man that lives on the edge of Marguerite! Such was his lead that chief Marshall McAlinden missed him going past. He was not the only one as Mad Dog was told to go left and then left again and this double whammy caused the great man considerable consternation resulting in him taking out his compass to get his bearing!
As the miles ticked by, the faster runners began to come through and the young lads went past their more seasoned and mature compatriots with some aplomb. Thinking he was running for second place when he eased past Jinksy, Butcher did not know that he was leading the pack. He continued his good form to the end to hold off a fast finished Yasin Brannigan to finish first and get his hands
on the handle less cup! Thinking his boy had been done out of 10 minutes, Brannigan Senior was quick to make contact with Brown in a move more attributable to his sibling! – there was an extra dish on that bill after all. Calm was restored when Brown blamed McCrickard and McNeilly on the mistake.
Miss World was third overall and First Lady home, evidence that she listens carefully to her coach and takes all advice on board. Steadily they progressed to the finish line and there was some great (if not totally accurately) recorded times.
Quickest time of the night was recorded by Tom Crudgington with a speedy 26.55. Brown handicapped himself well and despite running 27.23 finished 12th. Ethan McMullan clearly has more sense than his father, despite his youthful demeanour had managed to complete the full course in the third quickest net time of 27.39. Patrick and Cillian Higgins where the first in the pushchair category. In the midst of these speedy men, it was great to see a good turnout of club members. Thanks to all who officiated and made sure that most of us got to the finish and in a roughly correct time! Without volunteers standing to post the event could not happen and we thoroughly appreciate your efforts.
The evening ended with refreshments in O’Hares. Hot drinks (and cold ones for those with a thirst), sandwiches and a selection of delicious tray bakes were enjoyed by all. Our thanks to the staff for serving us. Pam Horrox is to be applauded for her ingenious festooning of the building.
All in all, it was a lovely evening that only could have been improved if lesser spotted Damien Brannigan had been organised in sufficient time to make an appearance.