Millstone Mountain: The Return of Order
By The Overworked Chef
Newcastle AC members pre-race in their club vests.
After the organisational heroics at Luke’s, the Hill and Dale caravan arrived in Newcastle and Millstone Mountain on a blustery, rain-soaked June evening, where almost 300 runners gathered for one of the series’ sternest challenges.
Responsibility for the event rested jointly with The Goat and Bogboy, a management partnership that had prompted some concern among club members. The prospect of a civil servant and a hotelier combining forces raised more than a few eyebrows.
The Goat, true to form, arrived with enough equipment to establish a small republic. Bogboy, meanwhile, rolled in with his solar-powered caravan, a noticeable tan, a pair of sunglasses and a seemingly endless supply of stories from a recent road trip through southern France.
Many had feared the administrative burden would prove overwhelming. Instead, thanks in no small part to the unexpected return of The Chef, the operation ran with near-military efficiency, ensuring that preparations for the evening’s race proceeded smoothly despite the challenging conditions.
The Chef Rehabilitation Project
Following his controversial absence from race duties at Luke’s—while undertaking what he described as “essential overseas recovery work” in the Canary Islands—The Chef returned to active service with remarkable enthusiasm.
By 6pm, he had already verified that environmental standards were being upheld in the deployment of route-marking materials, assisted with registration set-up, directed traffic and offered several unsolicited observations on marshal placement.
The Goat appeared delighted. Bogboy appeared confused. The Chef appeared to be everywhere. “That man’s working like he’s appealing a suspension,” remarked The Butcher. The Umpire, meanwhile, seemed equally pleased that The Chef’s wife had granted him leave for the evening and, according to informed sources, had finally discovered the location of the child’s bedroom.
Pre-Race Intelligence Briefing
The Prophet arrived with the familiar expression of a man preparing to explain racing to people who actually race. Among the tactical gems delivered before the start were:
• ”Millstone rewards patience.”
• ”The climb begins before you think it does.”
• ”Descending is a conversation between courage and gravity.”
• ”The race is won psychologically.”
When asked for clarification, he scratched his head, nodded thoughtfully and walked away.
Jinxy Farrell continued preparations for what many believed was a hydration emergency that never materialised. Several runners left the registration carrying electrolyte supplies they had no memory of receiving.
Mrs Bogboy and the twins, Newry, Mourne and Down’s finest worker and Miss World tackled pre-race entry and scanning, with Miss World regularly caught day dreaming on her next shopping trip to Brown Thomas in Dublin for the next handbag purchases.
Racing at the Front
Once underway, Millstone immediately began collecting debts. The opening climb shattered optimism throughout the field while the leaders attacked the mountain with alarming commitment. At the sharp end, Tom Crudgington of Newcastle & District AC produced another commanding display, storming to victory in 38:28 and finishing over three and a half minutes clear of the field. Keith Johnston of Armagh AC claimed second place in 42:03, while Jack Duncan of BARF completed the male podium in 43:22.
In the women’s race Karen Wilton of Jog Lisburn Running Club delivered an excellent performance to take victory in 49:11. Neha-Mani Ligertwood of Queens AC finished second in 49:28 while Esther Dickson of Newry AC rounded out the podium in 50:30.
Behind them, nearly 300 competitors engaged in varying levels of suffering. Some raced. Others survived. Most spent considerable periods questioning previous life decisions.
The Battle of Millstone
Throughout the field heroic efforts unfolded.
Strong climbing was followed by some very questionable descending into a very strong head wind. Several competitors later described themselves as “moving well” despite photographic and video evidence suggesting otherwise. At least four runners, including YouTube Frankie, claimed they had been “flying” before the steep section. No independent verification was available.
The Goat and Bogboy Deliver
As the final runners crossed the line, it became increasingly clear that the event had been a success. The Goat had once again managed the impossible task of keeping hundreds of hill runners organised. Bogboy successfully completed an entire race-director shift without talking about global energy prices, booking a holiday or playing with Percy the cat. His contribution was widely praised. The Goat later described him as “surprisingly useful.”
Trucker Ron despite pre-race commitment, was a no show, as he was had shed his load on his way done to Birr that morning, managing to single handily close the M1 motorway for most of the day.
Marathon Man was again absent, and while The Viking has now managed to locate his club vest, it does not look likely he will toe the line in club colours any time soon. With him absent, The Goat at last minute managed to draft in a local legal representative who multi-tasked legal advice with marshal duties at the first bridge. Marathon Man missed a trick as the local firm set up a pop-up legal clinic and done more business in the middle of a forest in 30minutes than they did from the office in the last month.
Post-Race Proceedings at O’Hares
As darkness settled over the Mournes, competitors gathered to analyse performances. Within minutes, race analysis had deteriorated into exaggerated descending stories, calf injury discussions and declarations that everyone was “coming into form.”
The Prophet declared future races where he is available to strategically influence. Percy the Cat attended briefly before concluding that nobody present merited further attention. Meanwhile The Chef, having effectively worked throughout the entire evening, was finally observed sitting down with a well deserved free pint of stout shortly before closing time. Normal service, it seemed, had been restored.
The Goat and Bogboy would like to that all club volunteer’s that helped make the race a success from race registration to marshalling in often very difficult conditions. Next week sees the race series move to Loughshannagh, with the usual meeting point at Ott Car Park. All registered runners should ensure to look out for and read the pre-race e-mail or e-mails, which will have important details about car parking.
The female winner karen and male winner tom post-race.
Photos
Photos by Richard Cowan. If you would like to use Richard’s photos feel free to buy him a cuppa to say thanks
Race Results
Race results available on Webscorer: